


Sacrifice

by Xylianna



Series: Snapshots [5]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Blind!Ignis, Depression, Episode Ignis Spoilers, Gen, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, established Gladnis, fucking Altissia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 09:13:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13760937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xylianna/pseuds/Xylianna
Summary: Ignis ruminates on his sacrifice.





	Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> I know I've garnered a reputation for angst, but this goes above and beyond. Please note the tags.

They asked for a sacrifice.

I was prepared to give my life, without hesitation.

I think the Six denied me intentionally. Perhaps they wished me to suffer for my hubris, to live with the repercussions of my arrogance in donning that ring meant only for royal hands.

And live I had, as best as I could, blinded and now bereft of my liege for some two years.

I’d adapted, found some small purposes to fulfill, but it wasn’t enough to counter all the work my mere existence caused for others.

Gladio bore the brunt of it, intertwined as our lives were. Prompto shouldered his share of the load as well, at least in those times his travels brought him to Lestallum.

These days, Gladio was out on the hunt more often than at home, and I was glad for my solitude. I missed him, of course. But I didn’t miss being tended to like the invalid the Astrals had made me, unable to do so much as comb my hair straight without hours of practice and someone to confirm I’d done the task correctly.

With increasing frequency, I cursed the Gods for denying me a clean death at Altissia. They were as cruel as they were demanding. I was blessed - cursed - with the foreknowledge that Noctis would emerge from the Crystal eventually like a butterfly from its cocoon, but for what?

He would return to us. And then he would die.

Oh, how I wished I had not been shown those visions. They were more challenging to live with than my loss of sight, without question.

I summoned forth one of my daggers from the Armiger as I did daily, just to prove that I still could. The arcane proof that Noctis still lived was at least a solace, if not a joy.

It was hard to feel joy when I knew that those days in his Crystal tomb would be his last.

Control yourself, Scientia - stop crying.

I turned the dagger slowly in my hands, considering again using it to end my meager existence. 

What use a Royal Chamberlain with no King to serve? What help a Crownsguard with no sight to target his foes?

All I did these days was hold people back. Gladio, Prompto, Monica, Cor… even Cid helped look out for me in his gruff way.

I was a burden that the people I loved shouldn’t have to bear.

The dagger was a bad idea, though. I banished it with a thought, recalling the look of the azure sparkle left behind in the air as it dissipated like moisture-less rain. Using it would create quite a mess, and someone - most likely Gladio - would have to clean it up.

No. There were ways this could be accomplished without an unseemly spill of blood.

I called a magic flask from the Armiger, not trusting myself to manifest the calm needed to engage in unassisted elemancy. In my mind’s eye, I saw the miniature lightning bolt flicker within the glass orb cupped in my palms.  It was a deliberate choice - fire could rage out of control and destroy the building, ice could spread its area of affect too far and risk freezing other residents of the apartment complex.

Lightning, if I targeted it precisely enough, could stop my heart, and leave a corpse behind that would hopefully look as if I was merely sleeping. No blood, not too bad of an odor. Definitely not as severe of an inconvenience to deal with as my daily existence.

“Hey, buddy… whatcha doing?”

I cursed and dismissed the flask back to the Armiger, standing and turning sharply towards the sound of Prompto’s voice. I imagined him standing there, staring at me with pity shining in those large violet-blue eyes.

Eyes that shouldn’t have to watch Noctis walk to his death, but one day would.

“Taking inventory,” I lied, hoping the pause between his question and my response wasn’t too protracted.

Prompto scoffed and crossed the room to sit at my dining room table. I joined him reluctantly, dreading the conversation I was certain would have to happen now that I’d been caught.

“Did I ever tell you that I tried to kill myself once? When I was a kid.”

I felt my eyes widen, and shook my head in negation. I knew Prompto’s childhood had been far from idyllic, but this was unimaginable.

“Yeah,” Prompto barked a short, self-deprecating chuckle. “I’d been bounced between more foster homes than I could count. I was bullied, and lonely, and decided it just wasn’t worth it anymore. All that pain, all the time.”

“What stopped you?” I asked.

“My foster-mom came home and found me before I… well,” Prompto shifted in his chair; I could hear the rustle of his clothing against the wood. “That set of parents was a good one. They got me help, and they kept me. They didn’t give up, and neither did I.”

My laugh was a sibilant hiss, more bitter than the darkest Ebony. “You’re trying to relate your childhood struggles to all of this,” I spat, gesturing eloquently around the tiny apartment, at the grotesque scars on my face, bare to Prompto’s sight since I scorned wearing the visor in the comfort of my own home. “To the darkness, the daemons, the hopelessness.”

“Pain is pain,” Prompto said softly, and I wanted to throttle him.

“I suppose now I shan’t be allowed a moment’s peace,” I sneered, folding my arms tightly across my chest, heedless of the way it would wrinkle my shirt.

“Ignis,” Prompto’s voice was matter-of-fact, “you’re brilliant. If you really wanna end it you’ll find a way and we can’t stop you.”

“I’m so tired,” I managed those scant words despite the feeling that all air had left my lungs. It was the Gods’ honest truth. It was exhausting navigating this perpetual night, and the addition of darkness without as well as within, of the daemons and other dangers around every corner.

I heard Prompto’s chair scuff against the linoleum, and a moment later his wiry arm circled my shoulders.

“We’re all tired, Igs,” he said with infinite gentleness. “It’s okay to lean on us. Just like we lean on you.”

“Right,” I said dryly, pushing away from his one-armed hug and standing to pace as best I could. Ten steps to the far wall. Ten steps back. “Because you don’t do enough for me already. Because I’m not already taking up more of your time and energy than any friend has a right to do.”

When I walked straight into a wall that, by my count, shouldn’t have been there, it served to further elaborate my point.

“I can’t even fucking move around my own home unassisted!” I imagined Prompto’s face must show his shock at my rare expletive, but I couldn’t think of a more appropriate time for harsh language than this.

I turned to press my back to that damnable wall, slumping down slowly until I sat on the floor. A chuckle bubbled up in stark counterpoint to my mood; but then, laughter wasn’t always joyful. This certainly wasn’t.

When a large hand landed on my shoulder, I realized my deranged, shrill giggling must have masked the sound of the door. The tender touch was enough to tip the scales and I began to cry.

“Thanks for texting me, Prompto.” The steady bass rumble of Gladio’s voice never failed to ground me, but there was a first time for everything. And this was it. I couldn’t quell the riotous blend of hiccuping sobs and broken laughs that continued to escalate in volume.

“Wanna tell me what’s goin’ on?”

“Not really,” I ground out between teeth clenched in an effort to dam the overwhelming wave of emotion.

I felt Gladio shrug as he lowered himself to sit beside me, our bodies pressed together from shoulder to hip. “That’s okay. Prom gave me the highlights.” His voice tightened. “What the hell were you thinking?”

I had no response to that. None that he’d want to hear, none that I was willing to share.

The weight of foreknowledge was mine alone to bear, and I’d not add that burden to all the others Gladio already carried on his impressive shoulders.

Gladio’s sigh was heavy and eloquent, saying more with one exhalation than most could manage with a lengthy soliloquy.

“Promise me you won’t,” he said simply, and there was no need for clarification. I knew exactly what he meant.

Curse the man. He knew I could deny him nothing.

“I promise, Gladiolus.”

And so, I would continue to live - to exist - to drain Lestallum’s resources and add to my friends’ workload. I’d live, but from no desire to see the Dawn break in a world without my liege. I’d live for Gladio, and Prompto. For Iris, and Talcott. For Cor, and Dustin, and Monica.

For Regis, and Clarus. Prompto’s parents, and the other innocents destroyed in the Empire’s attack on Insomnia.

I’d live because my loved ones needed me to live. I’d live for their sake; certainly not for my own. After all, since I was a lad, my desires had always been secondary to my duty. Why should my wish for death be any different? It was just another dream I’d push aside in favor of caring for those around me.

They asked for a sacrifice.

I would live it, every day.

**Author's Note:**

> If you are ever feeling anything like this, please get [help](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) <3 <3
> 
> Find me on [Tumblr here](https://xylianna.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thanks for reading. <3 I know this isn't my best work, but I needed to get it out.


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